3 Secrets To Successfully Talk To Yourself

Photo by marsmet543

Photo by marsmet543

You Are A Mental Chatterbox

When you woke up this morning, what were you thinking about? Were you thinking about what you needed to do to get yourself ready to go into work? Were you thinking about your kids’ school activities? Were you planning out your to-do list for work?

If so, then you were talking to yourself. We all do it, and we do it constantly.

We are regularly asking ourselves various questions inside our minds. Some of us are really good at this process. We ask quality questions and seek out positive solutions to those quality questions.

Many of us, though, are challenged in this area. We ask horrible questions and receive even worse answers to our questions.

Top performers and high achievers understand this important principle, and certainly you can too with a little help!

3 Secrets To Better Self-Talk

  1. Ask Better Questions. The foundation for asking better questions of yourself is staying positive. As soon as we turn negative, we start asking all the wrong questions in a negative manner and we shoot ourselves in the foot. We can also end up asking ourselves bad questions that don’t even really have an answer. These type of questions put us in a negativity loop instead of positive solutions. Let me give you an example. “Why is this happening to me?” I used to ask this question a lot during difficult days and circumstances. While asking this question may reveal a deep-rooted problem that needs to be addressed, most of the time this question is not very constructive. Outside negative circumstances will impact our lives occasionally, and there’s really not much we can do about it. In this moment, we can attempt to redirect our subconscious mind to start asking better questions such as, “What I can be thankful for in spite of these circumstances?” Or, “What can I learn through this difficulty?” Or, “How can I use this situation to grow physically, mentally, emotionally, or spiritually?” There’s always a better question to be asked of ourselves.
  2. Seek Better Answers. Let’s go back to my “Why is this happening to me?” example. As I just mentioned, from time to time, we will be impacted by negative, undesired circumstances. There won’t be much we can do about external forces outside of our control. So, we need to flip this around and start asking better questions, such as the examples I gave above. Then, we allow these questions to lead us to better answers. “I can use this difficulty to grow in my faith with Christ,” “I can use these challenging circumstances to get emotionally healthy,” and so on.
  3. Continuously Monitor and Change. This step is where it gets difficult. Most of the time, we are blissfully unaware of these mental conversations we are having with ourselves. We are running on autopilot. We have default conversations that are not constructive. We need to be proactive in monitoring these conversations as well as reprogramming our default modes. Knowing that these conversations are taking place in our minds is half the battle. Once you realize you’re asking negative questions and receiving negative answers, then you can attempt to move your mental discussion to a more positive level.

Questions: Have you ever considered the impact your mental conversations have on your personal performance? What do you need to do to move your personal self-talk to a more positive, high performance level.

Stop Blaming Others And Take Ownership Of Every Aspect Of Your Life

Photo by Pushkar V

Photo by Pushkar V

Book Review

Have you ever read a book that was so good that you needed to share it with others? Well, last weekend, I happened to download a really good book on my Kindle app, and I blasted through it within a couple of days. It’s a really easy read with very short chapters. Each chapter gets straight to the point, which I really like! Anyway, the book is called QBQ! The Question Behind The Question.

The Question Behind the Question has to do with practicing personal accountability at work and in life. It’s so easy to blame others for when something goes wrong at work or within the family. Amazing, extraordinary people, though, are able to stop blaming others and simply embrace personal responsibility. Sure, all of our jobs “out in the real world” would be a lot easier if every employee within our companies shouldered their own personal responsibility in their positions. But, the unfortunate reality is that people don’t always approach their work in this way. Many of us end up picking up the slack of others.

According to the book, this is simply a great opportunity for you to be an exceptional employee, husband, father, team member, and so on.

Take Ownership

One of the primary keys to personal responsibility is taking ownership within the organization. According to QBQ!, “Ownership does not require having an equity stake in the organization or holding an official position of leadership. It simply means facing problems head-on instead of blaming, complaining, procrastinating, or making excuses. Ownership is personal accountability in its purest form.”

At work and at home, stuff will happen. Our fellow employees will drop the ball on a critical work project. Our spouse will forget to take care of an important family financial detail. Our kids will fail to do their chores around the house. As a result, we can blame everyone else around us, or we can assume the responsibility and attempt to correct the problem.

Does this mean that we chase everyone around at work and home with a giant “pooper scooper” and clean up everybody else’s messes? No, not necessarily. What it may mean for us, though, that we strive to set the bar a little higher at home and on the job.

We model personal responsibility to our co-workers and family, first. Then, we turn around and encourage a spirit of personal ownership to those around us.

The Foundation of QBQ: Ask Better Questions

The key concept behind QBQ! is asking ourselves questions.

But, instead of asking questions like:

“Why don’t others work harder?”
“Why is this happening to me?”
“Why do they make it so difficult for me to do my job?”
“Why don’t I ever get a break?”
“Why don’t people care as much as I do?”

We need to ask ourselves better, more empowering questions. The formula for creating a quality QBQ is the following:

  1. Begin with “What” or “How” (not “Why,” “When,” or “Who”).
  2. Contain an “I” (not “they,” “we,” or “you”).
  3. Focus on action.

The question “What can I do?” follows this 3-step formula, perfectly.

Instead of focusing your time and energy on a bunch of ineffective questions that lead to stress and disappointment, decide today that you will pursue creating better questions that lead to way better results at work and in your life.

Questions: Do have a tendency to ask too many “Why me?” questions? What do you need to do to start asking yourself better quality questions? Have you ordered your copy of QBQ! yet?






Exclusive Bonus! Subscribe today and you’ll receive a link to download my brand new e-book, Moving From Broken To Superhuman: Your 5-Step Action Plan To Change Your Life, Today!, FREE of charge.

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